When I was a child, death used to frighten me. Not anyone else’s death, but my own. A heavy weight fell on my shoulder. I began to feel I would die young. And me that scared me even more. Maybe I feared it so much I was just scared I would die too young to have lived life.

When I was a child, many old relatives died. And when they did, I felt so detached from them. Like there was no reason to cry. Then again, they were people I barely knew. This was when I was still in the Philippines. When I came here, my uncle died two years later. And I wept. I wept on their front lawn because I did not want anyone to see me cry. And, because the longer I stayed inside the house, the more I felt like choking on everyone else’s tears.

There is something fascinating in death. It is no longer as morbid for me as it once was. It’s…natural. It is as natural as breathing. As natural as blinking. As natural as the tears that you eat when you cry. It reminds us we are not gods. El Dia de Los Muertos celebrates death and I’m glad I got to be a part of the annual ceremony. The Mexicans celebrate it for it is a part of the cycle of life. It happens to everyone. Death does not discriminate with age or wealth. In death, we are all equal.

Maybe I say all of this because I have not lost someone so dear to me that I would die. I am after all, a person of extremes. I am too happy, too sad, or too angry. What would I do if something like that happens? What would I do? But I can’t dwell on such things because they make me cry. In the present, I am alive. You’re alive. They are all alive. Now is what matters most.

I love crisp clear mornings...I love how the shadows fall on trees, and how the sun falls softly on my skin. And I love sunny afternoons when the sunlight is the color of wheat--reminding me of my childhood days when afternoons meant naps and playing with friends. As much as I miss those days, I don't mind being older. At least I have those memories. The memories that make afternoons lovely and make me feel sweetly drowsy.

It's a rare sunny day in the gloomy winter months coming. But ah! I love the rain too ^_^